The Five Times I Died
by MCL3690
Summary: The first time I died was when he punched me. The nails of the bench dug into my back, as I played my Gameboy. My shaggy, red hair was in my face, goggles barely keeping the sun out of my green eyes. I had just gotten to level 23 and was ready to face the big boss. Then it happened.


**Hey. So. I wrote this thing. I hope everyone enjoys it. This idea was bothering me for a while, and I just now got the chance to write it down. **

The first time I died was when he punched me. The nails of the bench dug into my back, as I played my Gameboy. My shaggy, red hair was in my face, goggles barely keeping the sun out of my green eyes. I had just gotten to level 23 and was ready to face the big boss. Then it happened.

_Whack!_

A slap to my head. I fell off the bench, hands and knees into the gravel. I looked up into the sun, glare and all, to see who my attackers were. A boy with brown hair and brown eyes smirked at me from above.

"Hey loser, playing your stupid games again?" I heard the gravel shuffle behind me.

"Yeah loser, why don't you play with real people, not your dumb games!" I felt a hand grab my hair and lift me onto my feet. The other attacker turned me to face him. All I saw were pimples and a green eyed glare. I knew I was done for. I squeezed my eyes shut, ready for the first hit.

"Hey! Lay off him!" I popped my eyes open and looked around my attacker, George's head, to see where the voice was coming from. George also looked behind himself. I didn't have any allies. That's why I was the perfect target. But then we saw a blond haired boy full of fury. He charged at us, fist ready to fire. His toes hit the grass, almost at the speed of light. George tensed up and let go of my hair. But just as his hand was to connect with George's face, he ducked. Instead, the blow connected with my jaw, launching me back into the dirt, while George and his friend howled with laughter.

All I saw were stars. I truly thought I was in Heaven until, the blonde angel came over to me and said: "Hey. Sorry about that. My name's Mello. You?" And then he extended his arm out to me, and picked my fragile body and broken face off the ground and into his chest for an awkward side hug that I would never forget.

...

The second time I died was when he kissed me. We were 14, horny as any teenage boys could be. It was Christmas Eve and everyone was excited to get presents. But not me. I was excited to have the day off and spend it with him. Midterms were coming up, and it seemed like the only time I saw him was right before he went to bed after a long night of studying. I started experimenting with smoking, so I had a cigarette to calm me down before I went to bed. I would sit on the window ledge, and Mello would join me, to look at the stars.

"Hey. Done studying?" I asked as I exhaled my smoke away from his face. Mello looked at me, his face full of dark circles.

"For now." It was almost midnight. He knew I didn't like how much he studied, so he didn't talk about it with me. I knew where the motivation came from, beating Near and all, but I still didn't like it.

The silences kicked in, except for the occasional sound of Mello fiddling with his rosary.

"So are we doing the whole gift exchange tomorrow?" I secretly wanted him to say yes. I bought his an amazing present with the money I saved up.

"No. It's stupid, Matt."

"It's not stupid Mello. You know how much it means to me." One of the last memories of my family was celebrating Christmas. I was happiest during this time of year.

"I know, but you really shouldn't put all of your happiest moments in one box that only contains gift exchanges." I dropped my cigarette butt. I kicked my feet around the window ledge and set them on the hard, cold, wooden floor. Tears started to well up as I walked to my bed. I heard footsteps behind me.

"Look Matt, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it like that." I flipped up my covers and picked up the red box that was underneath them. Mello gasped.

"Open it. It doesn't mean anything anymore." Mello walked past me and picked up the red box. When he opened it, he saw a silver necklace with a cursive 'M' at the bottom. He looked up at me, guilt written on his face.

"Matt." I looked up at the sound of his voice. "It wasn't that I meant you should stop thinking about your happy moments with your family. I meant you should have happy moments outside of that. I...I want to be part of those moments." He looked down at the ground, the moonlight exposing his blush.

I didn't have anything to say. He walked towards me and stopped when his toes sat on mine. He held onto my hips with his hands.

"Mello."

"Matt, I don't have much to give. But I hope you can add this to your box of memories." He then let go of my sides and took my face in his rough, calloused hands. He leaned in and for a second, hovered, his breath landing on my lips. Then it happened. Our lips met and I tasted his chocolate bar from an hour ago and his coffee from a few minutes ago and his affection. And I'm sure he tasted my soda from an hour ago, and my cigarette from a minute ago and my affection. Because, for the first time, we were showing each other how we really felt.

...

The third time I died was when we made love. He had just come in the door of our tiny, third floor apartment, holding groceries. I sat by the window, enjoying my cigarette and the breeze.

"A little help here?" Mello asked, as he stumbled through the doorframe.

'No I'm good. Thanks for asking though." I looked at him with a grin. He returned the look with a look of annoyance. I sighed, crushed the cigarette against the window ledge, and dropped it out the window. I took some of the bags out of his hands and I heard a sigh of relief from him. We unloaded the groceries as efficiently as we could, since only one person could fit in our kitchen at a time.

Once everything was unloaded, I sat on the couch, while Mello yawned and stretched his back. I looked at him and he smiled at me. He took a seat next to me.

"So we've been here for about a week." Mello said.

"That's true. It seems like home already." And it truly did. We were 18, in an awful, one bedroom apartment in Chicago. The kitchen barely had enough room to cook in, the living room was so small our couch barely fit, so we couldn't really put the TV that I really want, in there. And our bathroom was a mess when we first got it. But the best part was the bedroom. It was the perfect size for Mello and I. And that, was enough for it to feel like home.

"Yeah it does. I really want to make memories here." I looked at Mello questionably.

"What type of memories?"

"I don't know. Just something I can look back on, and remember fondly. I never really had a home. So to have a home, my first real home, with you, is exciting." I understood what he meant. His family wasn't the loving type for the 7 years he lived with them. I took his hands in mine. His bright, blue eyes bored into mine.

"Mello, I'm so glad to hear that. I really want to make sure your first real home is filled with love and affection." I leaned against his chest and wrapped my arms around him. "Because that's what you do to me. I always feel loved when I'm with you."

I felt Mello kiss the top of my head. He pulled me closer to him. "And that's why I think I'm ready."

Mello pulled back looked at me with surprise. "Really? Are you sure?" I nodded at him with a grin. "Okay, let's get to it then." He chucked and got off the couch, offering his hand to me. I took his hand and he led me to the bedroom.

That night was the filled with joy and passion. It was clumsy, of course. Neither of us were experts. But we did what we can. He showered me with affection. I showered him with love. And that night, we showered each other with the feelings that should exist in a real home.

...

The fourth time I died was when he told me he loved me. We were at a diner, a place where we would discuss new cases. I happily slurped my coffee, while Mello dropped pieces of his chocolate bar into his hot chocolate, stirring occasionally.

"Mello. We should probably start talking about our plans." He looked at me, and inhaled, as if about to say something. But he then exhaled and looked behind me. I turned around and looked at the waitress walking towards us. Her black hair was pinned up in a bun, and her makeup was done, as if she was going out right after. Her thin waist and wide hips walked towards us with excitement. She gave Mello a big smile.

"Anything else I can get you?" Mello barely looked up, acknowledging her existence.

"No, we're okay."

"Alright, well here's the check." She handed Mello the check face down. But I saw, was a number written on the back of it. I looked up at her and sipped my coffee with annoyance. Mello looked at the check with confusion.

"Excuse me Miss, what is this?" The woman huffed.

"Well it's my number. You can call anytime." She gave him a wink. I almost spat out my coffee.

"Um actually ma'am, I happen to be-" I was interrupted by a loud cough from Mello and a glare. The waitress looked at me expectantly.

"You are what? You guys are just friends right? Because I don't want to step on any toes." She nudged my shoulder, jokingly. I looked at Mello, waiting for him to say something. He have a blank stare.

"We're not anything, right Matt? Just friends." I looked at him with shock. I knew that his love was unspoken, but for him to flat out lie about it?

"Well then, call me anytime, hun." The waitress winked at Mello again, and walked away. I stared at Mello in shock. He was the first to speak.

"Matt-"

"Don't. We're not having the discussion right now. I don't want to talk about it." I was ready to leave. I felt so betrayed. I can't believe he would just lie about our relationship. "I can't believe you would say that. Do I mean anything to you?" Tears were starting to well up in my eyes. Mello gave me an annoyed look.

"Now come on, Matt. Of course you do. Why would you think-"

"Why would I think that? Because you never do anything. You don't show that you care. You don't tell me you care. I'm basically just someone to help you with your dirty work." Mello narrowed his eyes at me.

"Is that what you think? Seriously? We have been together for how many years-"

"6. But I doubt you knew that. You don't put anything into this relationship." I had enough of this. I got up from our tiny booth, and was making long strides to the door. The tears were starting to fall into my goggles. I pushed past customer after customer, trying to get out as quickly as possible.

"Hey Everybody! Listen up!" I turned around, and saw Mello standing on our table, yelling for everyone's attention. I saw the waitress in the corner, looking at him intently.

"Now there's this guy. His name is Matt. I have been dating him for 6 years. And I love him. So much." My jaw dropped. Was he really proclaiming to the entire restaurant that he loved me?

"He's the best thing that has ever happened to me." His voice lowered a bit. "I would probably be lying in a ditch somewhere if it wasn't for him. Actually, he's here right now. That guy by the door with the red hair and goggles. That's my Matty. He means the world to me." I blushed a crimson as everyone turned to look at me. "Can you hear me Matt? I love you, okay? I really, really love you. And I want the world to know. I don't tell you enough. I really don't tell you at all."

I started walking towards the booth. Mello climbed down and started walking towards me.

"Mello."

"Hm?"

"You're such an idiot." Mello smiled at me.

"I love you too." He took me face in his hands, just like he did the first time, and gently laid his lips against mine. I heard people cheer in the background, but I didn't care. At the moment, I felt loved.

...

I heard a knock at the door. A firm, but quiet tap. I thought it was Mello, forgetting his keys again.

"Mello, seriously? Again?" I got up from the couch, and paused my PlayStation. We had finally managed to fit the TV and the system into the living room. It was a squeeze, but worth it. I stumbled between the console and the couch. Another knock, but louder.

"Alright, I'm coming!" I pulled open the door, expecting to yell at Mello, but was taken back by a police officer at the door.

"Are you Matt?" He asked with a bored tone.

"Is there something wrong?" My anxiety was starting to rise. Was it about my hacking? Or was it something else?

"I have some news on a 'Mello'. Are you Matt?" My ears perked up at the mention of Mello.

"I'm Matt." I answered with urgency. Was there something wrong with Mello? Did he get arrested?

The officer's eyes softened a bit. He looked at me with sympathy.

"Matt, I'm sorry to say that Mello, or Mihael Keehl, was killed in a car accident. He was hit by a drunk driver." The officer continued to speak, but I tuned him out. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Mello. My Mello. Was killed.

"That's impossible." I whispered. The officer stopped.

"What was that?"

"That's impossible. You're lying." My voice was louder. I stared off into space. I could feel the blood drain from my face. The tears were falling freely onto my face.

"I'm sor-"

"You're lying! You have to be! Mello can't be dead. He can't be." My voice dropped to a whisper. "He can't. He was only gone for a few hours. How could he be dead?" I put my face in my hands. I was sobbing. The officer put an awkward arm around me, a side hug. But it just reminded me of him. Mello. My Mello. I dropped to the floor.

The officer let me fall and cleared his throat. "Matt. We did find something in the car Mello was driving. It seemed to be a CD, addressed to you." He pulled out the CD and placed it next to me.

.

Later, much later, after the funeral, Wammy's funeral, the cremation, and the endless tears, did I listen to the CD. It contained a note. A note, from Mello.

I put it into the CD player in my parked car, and it started to play.

"Matt." Just hearing his voice say my name again, started the tears.

"Listen, I know that you're listening to this in your car or someplace where I'm not there to see your reaction. Good. I just wanted to say that I love you. I really do. And if I sent you off with this, that means that when you come back to the house, there will be a surprise for you. It's a ring. Yep, the thing you've been hinting at for years. It's been hiding in the bathroom for weeks." He took time to chuckle. I laughed along with him. "I got them engraved with our names, so we can always be with each other, even when we're apart. You're my world, and I'm so lucky that you're in my life. I love you. Now hurry up and come back home."

.

The final time I died, was when he died.

**Well that was interesting. Please, tell me what you think. I will read every single review. Thanks for reading!**


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